Journey of Soul
A journey of a spiritual being
Here is the thing, you can say you are a spiritual being, you can share with the world “ I am love and I am light”, wearing free spirited clothing, crystals all around you, walking in a field of flowers taking pictures of yourself, then posting them on social media “you see I am a spiritual and awake Human being and this is what it looks like”
WRONG!!!
The journey into spirituality looks nothing like that. It is dirty, grimy, full of pitfalls and full of darkness. It feels defeating, you can barely breath. You see darkness everywhere, fault and failure galore, because it seems to be present in all that we do, all that we see. You see a flower that is beautiful, but doesn’t feel beautiful... you feel the rain as you walk in the darkness…. you feel the tears as you try and understand your emotions. You take one step forward, ten steps back. You don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, but you hear a roar. You hear noise, feel the chaos, and you find yourself defeated and surrender to this mess only to wake the next day and start again.
And then you remember Choice, you remember Love, you acknowledge bits and pieces of joy…and you wonder……….but then the oh so familiar fear sneaks in…no it’s not possible, dont you remember what happened when we tried this before?….but you make a choice to try again anyway….taking one little step at a time……moving, at least I am moving….in a different direction….this is scary, but I choose ever so gently to keep going, one breath at a time, one step at a time, being aware, and choosing to walk in faith and not so much fear. This is hard, but I got this.
And little by little I notice change with each step forward…I keep going, slow and fully aware of what I feel. This is starting to feel good and I even smile….you move a bit faster, and then faster again…..this is possible, and it fills the space with joy….you are starting to built confidence and you are starting to believe…..excited…..you move faster……………and then BAM…..out of left field enters the monkey wrench, forcefully stopping this enormous momentum….
and you think….I knew this was too good to be true…..familiar fears sneak back in…….and at that moment you stand still….take a deep breath, and you feel the pause….you take another breath….you feel inside….and you don’t listen to the mind….you take another breath….you see the fear….you see the monkey wrench…you feel the energy of defeat…
and you decide….what do I decide…what should I decide …what do I believe….who do I believe in….do I believe in you…do I put my trust in you….or do I put my trust in me….and I choose faith in me….even though it feels hard….and I choose to take another first step….it feels heavy….it feels slow….but I choose to take the next step, and another…then another….one step at a time….one breath at a time…one day at a time…
and all of a sudden you see a spark….is that a light I see???….is this the light at the end of the tunnel….and you walk slowly towards it….this path feels ok…even though I can’t see the steps in this darkness. ….I hear the voices of fear all around me….but I keep walking….hearing them…but not connecting….the further I go I realize that fear is loosing its words and all I hear is mumbles,,,,
I keep walking and I see the light getting bigger, getting brighter….I keep walking one step, one breath, one day at a time….you start to feel the light, you start to embrace the light….and then you find yourself on the threshold ….the threshold of where the darkness and the light meet….and you stand there….in the center of it all….you feel the light…you look back and understand the darkness….and you realize ….One can not exsist without the other….the light needs the darkness to be seen, the darkness needs the light to be felt….and you realize and make a choice….I will walk the path of both….I need to understand the darkness, because it is only through my experience and understanding of the darkness that I can see the light.
The light and the darkness are holding each others hand….and I see and realize they have done well, they have worked beautifully well together…I see you both and because I have seen you both….I see myself.
I am both the light and the darkness, but now I choose balance and awareness….I have the power to CHOOSE….in each moment.
…..and suddenly I realize…..I have arrived.
Author and written by
Bianca B.
